Good Sense

Melissa Dereberry's Blog

Archive for the category “Culture”

16 Dec 2011

What Facebook and Spiders Have in Common

According to Google Trends, the following are the ten most popular searched terms from 2004 to the present:

1. Facebook

2. Lyrics

3. You

4. Yahoo

5. YouTube

6. My

7. Google

8. Games

9. Weather

10. News

Is anyone surprise that Facebook topped the list? I’m not. But what I do find intriguing is that an internet tool based on something as fundamental and simple as human connection became a worldwide phenomenon basically overnight. Take a look at the other terms. You, YouTube, Google, My… We are a humanity literally obsessed with each other, a humanity desperate to find out more about the world and the people in it.

In 1855, Walt Whitman published a poem describing a spider spinning a web in his major work Leaves of Grass:

A noiseless patient spider,

I mark’d where on a little promontory it stood isolated,

Mark’d how to explore the vacant vast surrounding,

It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself,

Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them.

And you O my soul where you stand,

Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space,

Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them,

Till the bridge you will need be form’d, till the ductile anchor hold,

Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.

The spider, of course, is a metaphor for the narrator’s “soul,” that is lonely, yet full of ideas–”musing, venturing, throwing, seeking”–in a continual search for ways to connect.

You see where I’m going with this. We are like Whitman’s spider.

The human need for connection–to be entertained, educated, encouraged, validated, comforted–is certainly not a new concept. Yet, even in 1855, Whitman understood the necessity of building connections. They don’t just happen on their own. A spider has to build his own web.

Yet there’s another level of meaning here that perhaps Whitman didn’t recognize (or, more likely, did). A spider builds a web to survive. He builds it to trap his prey. Is communication an element of survival?

If is, if you think of communication as the survival of our self, the essence of who we are. As we build our little Facebook webs, we are not only anchoring ourselves, reinforcing where we are and who we are, but we also draw others into our web, and others cerainly shape our personalities. What’s the purpose of a status update? Do we honestly entertain the notion that we are that interesting? That people are generally curious, on a daily basis, about the comings and goings of our lives? We post our accomplishments, our fears, our complaints, our joys and disappointments, all for the purpose that one person will press on the all-mighty “like”–or, the Holy Grail of Facebookdom–post a comment. We put ourselves out there, in hopes that someone will take hold.

Sometimes we snag someone who genuinely wants to join us. And sometimes, we simply drag people into overbearing drama. But that’s another post…

What does all this really say about us? Are we lonely? Isolated? Bored? And are we, indeed, the people we present ourselves to be, on Facebook? How accurate is Facebook, at capturing character of humanity? In many ways, Facebook is about closing the gap between who we want to be and who we are.

I’ve quoted this line from the 1997 movie As Good As It Gets before, but it’s worth repeating. In a scene with Helen Hunt, Jack Nicholson describes a health ailment that he’s been ignoring. He tells her that after spending the night with her, he started taking the medication he’d previously refused to take, saying, “You make me want to be a better man.” She responds that it’s the best compliment anyone has ever given her.

All these filaments that we spin, that we tirelessly seek to connect–the ideas we have, the things we want to do, our goals and dreams… it only takes one person to make us want to be better. And sometimes, that is enough.

Posted in Culture, Misc., Social Networking | Leave a Comment
12 Dec 2011

A Lifetime of Great Music

Can you name your favorite albums from each year of your life?   How has music shaped who you are?

Even the years that I’d prefer to forget have left a bit of personality, an alluring mark on who I am ( It’s been a long, strange trip).  Most interesting to me is that my musical journey has been a little chaotic at times, reflecting the often mixed-up process of growing.  You won’t see a lot of consistency here.  For me, music has been my frequent partner in what Jung called the development of personality, “an act of high courage flung in the face of life.”  Life is messy and charming, all the more lovable when set to music.  And yet it’s often an in-the-moment kind of  love, a fickle kind of relationship.  I suppose it’s appropriate then, that each of my years have had one (or, in some cases, two or three) musical flings.

And so, here’s my list.  I should add that there are a few years for which I simply could not choose only one favorite album.  After reviewing all the possible choices, some years’ albums, in my personal musical history book, must share the spotlight.  Some of these I discovered in the year they were released, but in many cases, I discovered them, obviously, in retrospect.

Enjoy – and I hope you will create your own list.  If you do, please send me a link to it!

1969:   Live/Dead – Grateful Dead

1970:   Workingman’s Dead – Grateful Dead

1971:   Led Zeppelin IV – Led Zeppelin & Electric Warrior – T.Rex

1972:   The Slider – T.Rex

1973:   Ridin The Storm Out – REO Speedwagon

1974:   It’ll Shine When It Shines –  Ozark Mountain Daredevils

1975:   Fleetwood Mac – Fleetwood Mac

1976:   Hotel California – The Eagles

1977:   Rumors – Fleetwood Mac & News of the World – Queen

1978:   The Cars – The Cars & Bursting Out – Jethro Tull

1979:   The Wall – Pink Floyd

1980:   Back in Black – AC/DC & Hi Infidelity – REO Speedwagon

1981:   Dead Set – Grateful Dead

1982:   American Fool – John Cougar Mellencamp & Thriller – Michael Jackson

1983:   Colour By Numbers – Culture Club & Pyromania – Def Leppard

1984:   Chicago 17 – Chicago & Love At First Sting – Scorpions & Purple Rain – Prince

1985:   Brothers in Arms – Dire Straits & Five-0 – Hank Williams Jr.

1986:   Slippery When Wet – Bon Jovi & Storms of Life – Randy Travis

1987:   Appetite for Destruction – Guns N. Roses & Faith – George Michael

1988:   And Justice For All – Metallica

1989:   Pretty Hate Machine – Nine Inch Nails

1990:   The Immaculate Collection – Madonna & I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got – Sinead O’Connor

1991:   BloodSugarSexMagik – Red Hot Chili Peppers

1992:   Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos

1993:   Pablo Honey – Radiohead

1994:   four – Blues Traveler & Under The Pink – Tori Amos & Pulp Fiction – Original Soundtrack

1995:   Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness – Smashing Pumpkins

1996:   Crash – Dave Matthews Band

1997:   Transistor – 311 & My Own Prison – Creed

1998:   The Best of 1980-1990 – U2 & Teatro – Willie Nelson

1999:   Human Clay – Creed & Live At Luther College – Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds

2000:   All That You Can’t Leave Behind – U2

2001:   Weathered – Creed

2002:   Home – Dixie Chicks & Live – Alison Krauss & Union Station

2003:   Come Away With Me – Norah Jones

2004:   Beyond The Sea – Original Soundtrack

2005:   Walk The Line – Original Soundtrack

2006:   Wintersong – Sara Mclachlan & Superman Returns – Original Score

2007:   The Darjeeling Limited – Original Soundtrack

2008:   Any Port in a Storm – The Dirty Heads & Trading Snake Oil for Wolftickets – Gary Jules

2009:  Battle Studies – John Mayer & Continuum – John Mayer

2010:  Made Me Glad – Miriam Webster & Tarkan – Tarkan

2011:  The Fame – Lady Gaga

Posted in Culture, Misc. | Leave a Comment
21 Nov 2011
1 Comment

Why I Won’t Be At Wal-Mart on Black Friday

This year, many retail stores are pulling out all the stops and opening their doors at midnight on Black Friday, which they hope will result in an extra five or six hours of consumer spending.  Personally, I couldn’t care less if the stores open at midnight.  It makes no difference to me.  I am an early shopper and this year, I intend to intentionally avoid all mob shopping–Black Friday, or otherwise–just as I have every year as long as I can remember.  I have no desire to stand in line or watch crazy people fight for the last toy on the shelf, get rammed by shopping carts or suffer any anxiety beyond that which I normally endure, on an average day, going into a mega store.  I mean really, visiting Wal-mart any day of the week is not on my list of favorite things to do.  Why the hell would I want to do it on midnight, after Thanksgiving dinner, along with everyone else and their grandma, to save a few bucks?  Not happening, people.

I am a big believer in supporting local businesses anyway–but, there’s a catch to that.  Local retailers, if you are going to compete, keep a strong customer base, you better be good at your game–and that means, among other things, knowing your product, AND, the most important part of all–you better have customer service that knocks my socks off.  If you don’t have it, I won’t be back, believe me.

I recently visited a small business here in Rolla, looking for a particular item.  This store was, as far as I know, the only store in the area that has this item.  My first visit was a complete failure.  Not only did they have nothing in stock that could suit my needs, but when I asked if they could order something, they said no.  I’m sorry, but if you are a “specialty” store, with hundreds of those specialty products in stock, on your floor, can you honestly stand there and tell me you can’t order something?  It’s not like I asked for a product that doesn’t exist.  I’d seen them online.  They just weren’t in stock at this particular store.  I called a few weeks later, and–lo and behold–they actually had the item I had asked for earlier–the one they couldn’t order–in stock.  Not only that, but they had three or four of them.  But would you believe the very next day, when I went in to purchase one, they had magically sold all of them in the last 24 hours?  When i asked to speak to the owner, he was “taking some time off” and wouldn’t be in for a while.  I walked out and I will never go back.  I ended up ordering from an online retailer, and I received it in less than 48 hours.  Customer service, people!

Sometimes, shopping online is more convenient, even if it costs a little more.   Some people don’t like to shop online because they are worried about identity theft.  My strategy is to have only one card that I use for all online purchases.  It’s a Discover card.  Discover is a company that is very good about protecting consumers from theft.  They even offer a secure online account number that is basically a one-time use.  Every time you shop online, you can generate a new number that is linked to your account.

I am also a supporter of independent consultant businesses.  Many of these folks are stay at home moms who can earn extra income and still be home when their kids come home from school.  But again, if you’re going to put your products out there on the market, you better back it up with service.  Don’t act as if you are doing the customer a favor, and make it easy for them to order, and receive, their merchandise.  If you make them work to hard, they won’t come back.  If I’m paying a little bit more than I’d pay for a similar item at retail, you better give me something extra for it.

Honestly, I don’t know how some of these local retailers stay in business with such paltry customer service.

Let me tell you how it should be:  Customer service, the best price, and added value.

For example, I had a show and ordered some things from an independent Scentsy consultant named Ashley McCarter here in town a couple of months ago.  When my order came in, she offered to bring it to me.  Not only did she drive several miles out of town to bring me the items, but she had individually bagged each order, tied them with a ribbon, and labeled them with the customer’s name.  Everything, except final delivery to my friends, was done for me.

Sometimes, local businesses can be cheaper than larger retailers.  I have ordered several books, for example, from Reader’s Corner here in Rolla, at prices well below the suggested retail.

Visit Chic Chick in Rolla, and the girls there will go above and beyond to help you pick out clothes that look good on you, and accessories that pull it all together.

You won’t necessarily get all these things from every retailer.  Sometimes, it makes sense to get something at Wal-mart when price is the number one concern.  But remember, the mere presence of Wal-mart has a huge impact on prices throughout the town.

In the book Cheap,  Ellen Schell discusses how Wal-mart impacts pricing.  In a 2000 study at the Institute for Research on Labor and Employment at the University of California-Berkeley, researchers found that on average, workers salaries fell one percent with the opening of a Wal-mart store.  On the other hand, the presence of Wal-mart lowers prices, especially on food, in the entire area where it is located.  Economist Jerry Hausman co-authored a study which concluded that Walmart saves the average consumer about 25 percent on food–the equivalent of a 6.5 percent pay raise.  The presence of Wal-mart he says, forces other retailers to lower their prices.  However, Schell points out that the average consumer only knows the going price for about one or two percent of retail items they shop for, and that Wal-mart’s prices are actually higher on about one-third of its stock.  In other words, Wal-mart isn’t always the best deal.  And if you’re like me, you end up spending more than you intended when you went in.  Everyone knows about Wal-marts slick merchandising tactics.  Not that these tactics are inherently bad, it’s just that we’re suckers for something that looks good, and looks like a deal, even when it’s the last thing we need.

I have a love-hate relationship with Wal-mart.  It does have some good deals.  Then again, sometimes a good deal is just a flashy disguise for poorly made, useless crap.  Sometimes, getting a good deal means clawing your way through the masses.  Inexplicably, there are people out there who seem to enjoy this behavior.  It continues to lure us in.  It’s sort of like “People of Walmart” meets Rocky Horror Picture Show–people coming in droves, to see a really bad movie.

Posted in Culture, Misc.
20 Nov 2011
1 Comment

Why Am I Writing A Blog About Justin Bieber? Or Snookie, for that matter?

That, my friends, is the question of the day.  Ok, I admit, I put myself out there by asking for blog topics on my Facebook page, but I was totally unprepared for someone to write the following in the comment box:  Justin Bieber.  Snookie?  Really.  First of all, why on earth would a thinking, adult person want to read a blog about Justin Bieber or Snookie?  Furthermore, why would such person feel there was sufficient material out there to warrant an entire blog?  Obviously, a “blog” about “Justin Bieber” or “Snookie” cannot, in the realm of good sense, really be about Justin Bieber or Snookie.  I mean, no one really cares about them.  It’s not like they are heroic or wildly talented.  They aren’t creative revolutionaries.  They haven’t changed the world.  They are entertainers, plain and simply.  And, as we all know, we are easily entertained.

Well, some of us are, anyway.

I can only conclude that we have an odd fascination with people on the fringe of “normal,” those who stand out from the crowd simply because they are atypical.  It’s not typical for a sixteen year old boy to get discovered on YouTube because his mom posted videos of him singing, and become a near-instant world-wide sensation.  But it happened.  It happened because people started clicking on some kid’s video clips, and at some point, the hits reached a tipping point.  And it just spilled over, went completely crazy.  Why?  What was it about Justin Bieber that tipped the scales?  Was it, as some have suggested, his mop of a hairstyle?  His charming grin?  Or was it what we’d expect from someone who becomes successful in music–his singing voice?  What was the tipping point of Justin Bieber?  My guess is people simply became fascinated–with the idea that an average all-American kid could take the world by storm.  Somewhere along the string of You Tube hits, someone started to believe that, and it stuck.  He was an outsider, someone who didn’t fit the typical profile.  He was just the boy next door–and the boy-next-door-turned-pop-star-via-the-Internet is fascinating.  And maybe, just maybe, that fascination is ultimately about ourselves.  Heck, if he can do it, then we can too, right?

But what about those who are famous for being beyond the norm, in a bad way?  Snookie, for example.  Who the heck is Snookie’s audience?  I mean, who is her core fan base?  Seriously.  What category of entertainment does she fall into?  She’s not an actor.  I guess you could say she’s a reality t.v. personality.  She’s definitely not the girl next door.  Definitely on the fringe.  She’s one of those celebrities that fall into the Pinhead category–you know, the ones who become famous for being basically being dumbasses.  There’s a whole string of female celebrities that have fallen into this category:  Paris Hilton, Anna Nicole Smith, Lindsey Lohan, Octomom.  You get the picture.  Really and truly, why?  There is obviously an audience for this type thing.  You don’t get your own t.v. show unless someone in big shoes is pretty sure people are going to watch it.

Which they do, of course.

Snookie, and others like her, prove only that we have a fascination for the vulgar and talentless–as much as we do for the average Joes who hit it big for no apparent reason.  Even those of us who don’t watch Jersey Shore have a secret fascination with bizarre people and behaviors.   We want to see how other people live.  We enjoy the satisfaction of judging and condemning people’s actions.  We love a good scoff, a tasty dose of indignation.  The more ridiculous and unbelievable the behavior, the more we like it.

Which is why the story that recently surfaced about Justin Bieber totally threw me for a loop.  Some twenty-year old girl came forward to the media claiming that Bieber fathered her child.  Somewhere in between her dreams of fast-track stardom and being the laughing stock of every news commentator on cable news, she decided to retract her claim and, perhaps–er, hopefully–retract herself back into the netherlands of anonymity.   But, maybe, just maybe, she has a future.  After all, how dumbass is it to publicly claim that you had sex with a minor?  Can we all say a collective…DUH!?

Snookie, you’ve got to up your game.

Posted in Culture, Misc.
10 Nov 2011
5 Comments

Penn State Student Outrage

GRRRRRR.  This just pisses me off.  Bunch of losers.  Scumbags.

Ok, now that I’ve gotten the bad mouthing out of my system, let’s talk good sense.

The horrific story that emerged out of Penn State this week is now paired with a lesser, though certainly outrageous, story:  Groups of students gathering on the Penn State campus and at the home of Joe Paterno, pledging their support for him and their anger over his termination.  I just pulled up a http://www.cnn.com/ (you can still see the photo if you click here) story that features a photo of four young students with disgruntled, defiant faces, sitting next to a bronze statue of Paterno with his hand in the air gesturing that the school is “Number 1.”  Seriously?  Someone will be tearing that statue down soon, I thought, as an image of Iraqi citizens pulling down the statue of Saddam Hussein flashed into my head.  But the dismantling of an icon isn’t starting with these boys.  As I look at their faces, it’s obvious to me just how wrong they are.  After all, a grand jury has already revealed the reality that Paterno and an assistant were aware what was going on, and basically ignored it–for nearly a decade.  It’s incomprehensible to me that these students could be in support of this man, whose lack of moral courage in this case clearly trumps any accolades and accomplishments he may have earned as a coach at this university.  The oblivious ignorance of these students is tragic.  What’s wrong with people?

As I look at this one picture of four college boys, it occurrs to me that they are the age many of Sandusky’s victims would be now.  The boys in this photo are enrolled in what was, until this scandal emerged, a prestigious university.  They likely come from stable, loving homes.   In contrast, imagine how the lives of those victims turned out to be.  Imagine a life of shame, pain, perhaps poverty, depression, and only God knows what else.  What a gross injustice, a slap in the face to common decency, for these spoiled brats to sit there in support of man who is, as far as I’m concerned, a pedophile by proxy.

Posted in Culture, Current Events and tagged , ,
01 Nov 2011
4 Comments

Rebel Without A Cause

I’m trying to decide if this comment is going to come off judgmental, self-righteous, extremist, whiny— but I’m just gonna say it anyway.  I would already be a published author if I were:

  1.  Gay
  2. Minority
  3. Celebrity
  4. Someone with an obvious political agenda
  5. Someone with ANY agenda

I feel I’m somewhat qualified to say this because I’ve spent the past several months educating myself about the book publishing industry. Having gone through the Writer’s Market three times now, I’ve found myself continually skipping entries because of their rigid editorial requirements.  I’m not a political activist or gay.  I’m not from North Carolina.  I don’t write about Eskimos.  I don’t have a particular religious slant.  I don’t have an agent.  I don’t write stories about bodies of water or roads or sailing.  SKIP, SKIP, SKIP, SKIP.  I don’t do any of these things.  I’m an outsider, a rebel without a cause.  I just write.  Where’s the market for that?

Authors with agendas—that’s nothing new.  There are plenty of authors throughout history who’ve spoken out against the political and cultural conventions of their day via their art.  But there were also plenty of authors whose work got distributed simply because it was interesting or good, not because he or she wanted to change the world.  Emily Dickinson scarcely left her little home in Amherst, Massachusetts and yet she is considered one of our greatest and most published poets of all time.  She was essentially a recluse, with a lot of imagination, and talent.

I’ve spent the past sixmonths or so educating myself about the world of publishing, and I’ve come to realize that the industry itself is in a state of transition that, sadly, will leave a lot of authors perplexed, if not completely baffled (myself among the latter).  While snagging a publisher for a book has never been considered easy, authors are now up against a number of roadblocks that previous generations would have never imagined.  Technology and cultural diversity are impacting the prospects of traditional publishing. Publishers have become so specialized and exclusive that it’s nearly impossible to find mainstream outlets.

Authorship is no longer the quiet, solitary profession it once was—gone are the days when words were carefully crafted, slowly digested, and quietly discovered.  We now live in a world that literally runs on communication.  We think faster than we can get words onto paper.  We launch lightning fast emails and comments on social networking sites, often without even thinking about  what we are saying. We have to think fast, know what we want, and be ever-ready for the next turn in the conversation.  I think this constant barrage of communication is one of the reasons we have difficulty finding time to read or focusing on what we’re reading. I have personally found myself skimming books lately.  In ten years, we will probably all be speed readers, and it’s a lot easier to scan pages on a touch screen than it is to flip pages in a book.

Electronic publishing, for some, remains the only alternative.  While e-book sales are currently only about 10 percent of actual book sales, some say that eventually, books will join eight track tapes, albums, cassettes, floppy disks, and CDs in the catacombs of antiquated media.  Part of me absolutely believes this.  It just makes sense.  Digital media is faster, most cost effective—it’s environmentally and economically forward thinking.  And yet—part of me isn’t sold yet.  Books have been around a heck of a lot longer than CDs.  The only predecessors to the book are the spoken word and scribed documents.  Maybe books are just late bloomers when it comes to keeping up with their media cousins.  But then again, maybe there’s something in our collective psyche that just isn’t ready to give up the dream—the feel, the smell of a real book in our hands, the hard evidence of knowledge, belief and thought.  There’s something inalterably authentic about a book. Digital media can be copied, pasted, mass produced in a matter of minutes.  Does instant and far-reaching access only serve to cheapen the content?  Should the form of access even matter?  It’s still the same content—there’s just more and more of it, every day.  Perhaps what will ultimately cheapen literature is this endless variety.

So I’m hanging on—rather loosely at this point.  It’s a dream, but sometimes, a dream is better than a thousand empty realities.

Posted in Creativity, Culture, Literary agents, Media, writing, Writing Life and tagged , ,
21 Sep 2011
2 Comments

Google Trash

 Ever wonder if we are really tuned in to what’s happening in the world?  Does your average person know, for example, what’s going on with the economy, government, world politics?  What about issues or problems going on in their communities or schools?  Information that could help them fight a disease or live healthier lives?  Talk show hosts like Jay Leno sometimes like to have fun with this sort of thing, going down the street, for example, asking people some question about a current event or policy—something ridiculously obvious—having a good laugh over how uninformed your average Joe actually is.  But, after a friend of mine suggested I start studying Google Trends to get ideas for writing topics, I am starting to wonder if this lack of awareness, itself, is a trend.

 Google Trends is a site that compiles data about what people are searching on the web any particular day.  It is searchable, and can be narrowed to any specific date of your choosing.  I browsed through about 25% of the month of September, finding that most of the keyword searches for all dates fell into one of two categories:  Sports or Entertainment.  I can turn on Fox News any hour of the day and the commentators will be going on about the failures and follies of government, the economy, and the Middle East.  Time and time again, commentators spiel about what Americans want or don’t want out of their government.  If Americans are so concerned about what’s going on in our country, why are they spending so much time looking up nonsense on the Internet?  Why, for example, was “Andy Whitfield” the number one searched keyword on September 11, 2011?  Andy Whitfield was a Welsh actor that died on September 11.  He wasn’t even American.

Either few people are in tune, or they are tuning in somewhere else.

Just for fun, let’s check out the date September 15, 2011 on Google Trends*.

Number one on the list?  Michaele Salahi, one-half of the pair who crashed the White House dinner in 2009.  Apparently, she had an affair with the guitarist from the band Journey, and that was riveting news.  Why are we wasting time writing and reading about some idiot who is basically famous for being a forty-something juvenile delinquent?

Number two on the list:  America’s Got Talent.  Well, yes, it does and I love the show as much as the next person, but…Really?

Really? 

Do these topics deserve the apparently meaningless notoriety of being the top two most-searched terms on September 15, 2011?

Do you think your average American knows this?  On September 15, 2011, President Obama awarded the Medal of Honor to Kentucky-born Marine Dakota Meyer.  Meyer is credited with saving 36 lives in Afghanistan on September 8, 2009.  He’s the first living Marine to receive the honor since 1973.  Yep, you guessed it.  None of the following terms made the Google list that day:  Dakota Meyer, Medal of Honor, Marines.  But “apple juice” did.

Google Trends, it seems, says more about our guilty pleasures, fears, and voyeurism than it does our sense of cultural solidarity or identity.  Call it Google Trash.  It’s shameful that we didn’t take time to know more about Dakota Meyer.  I guess the good guys really do finish last.

 

*I should point out that while Google Trends does compile information across various regions and countries, this particular piece is based on Google Trends Hot Searches, which is limited only to search terms within the U.S., on a particular day.

Posted in 20th Century Events, Culture, Current Events and tagged , , , , ,
30 Aug 2011
2 Comments

All Sales Final

I was in the pet store today picking up some crickets for my son’s lizard, when I noticed signs posted all around the store:  “Choose carefully.  Live animals are not returnable.  All sales final.”  Good advice, I thought, if I ever wanted to entertain the notion of having a pet rabbit.  If you’ve ever had one, you know what I mean.

So anyway, I got to thinking about our perceptions as consumers.  Sometimes, obviously, we get what we paid for.  Other times, we get more than we paid for.  And still yet, there are times when we get cheated, or it just wasn’t what we thought it would be.  The key, as suggested by this sign—lies within the consumer.  Think before you buy.

I’m reading the book Cheap:  The High Cost of Discount Culture by Ellen Shell, and I’m not that far into it yet, but something struck a chord.  The book details the history of consumerism in America, highlighting the various innovations in manufacturing and marketing that have shaped how and what we buy.  Shell says we have become so obsessed with getting a good deal that we have little concept of value any more.  We don’t know, really, what something is worth by looking at the price tag, which is, in many respects, arbitrary and subjective.  Retailers manipulate price, according to Shell, which “can confuse is, block the thinking part of our brain and ignite the impulsive, primitive side, the part that leads us to make poor decisions based on bad assumptions.”  I am intrigued by the phrase “poor decisions based on bad assumptions.”  The practice of making bad decisions is a result of not thinking things through, of course, or not properly analyzing our options, weighing the consequences.  Bad decisions are usually those based on emotion, the passion of the moment.   Her point is that price has nothing to do with value.  Our understanding of value only comes from our experience with the product.  Yet, the author says, “despite discounts galore, Americans habitually fret that we are paying too much.”  Translation:  We have the mentality that there is always something better, a better price, a better deal.  But does this mentality go deeper than our wallets?

This price anxiety, I would argue, is so ingrained in us that it now part of our collective psyche, so much so that it influences our relationships, behaviors, and many areas of our lives.  We are out for the best “deal”—the one that is the cheapest, takes the least amount of time and effort.  We are more interested in convenience than we are value.

Every year, McDonald’s sells 2.7 billion pounds of hot, fresh, readily available instant gratification in the form of the French fry.  Are they really that good?  Really?

I know people who have 1,000 Facebook friends, very few of whom I suspect they have ever spoken to for more than ten minutes.

Cheap.  Abundant. Worthless.

When we are on the cheap, we weaken our quality of life, our relationships, and sense of self worth.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I ran into a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while.  We chatted briefly, she asked how I was doing.  At the time, my dad had just been hospitalized and we were sure, just yet, what was going on, or how serious it was.  It was touch and go for a couple of days.  As I stood there telling her about it, she kept looking off to the side, not making eye contact.  It was glaringly clear that she was in a hurry, that there was somewhere more important to be, that she didn’t have time to listen.  I was going through a scary time, and she was looking over her shoulder.  I am not a body language expert, but I suspect that that particular movement is a subconscious pulling of oneself away from the situation.

Fast.  Cheap. Convenient.  Relationships were never meant to come in a pre-packaged box, one that is easy to open, palatable to everyone, and user-friendly.   They aren’t something we should hoard, nor something we can easily return.  Too often we buy into people impulsively because it seems like a good idea, then buyer’s remorse sets in and we play the time card.  Have you ever heard yourself say the words, “Well, she/he just doesn’t have time…”?   Maybe you’ve said it about yourself.

We accept busy-ness as an excuse for all manner of rude, dismissive behavior.  Granted, we don’t have time for deep relationships with everyone we meet, but we do have time for common courtesy, kindness, and empathy.  Sadly, I think we’ve gotten used to this sort of behavior in our society.  Time, after all, is a commodity, and there’s never enough of it.   And it’s true that some people are just simply bad at managing it.

There’s an older song by country singer Tracy Lawrence, “Find Out Who Your Friends Are.”  The chorus goes:

You find out who
your friends are

Somebody’s gonna drop everything

Run out and crank up their car

Hit the gas, get there fast

Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far’

They just show on up with their big old heart

You find out who your friends are

The message isn’t anything new.  At some point in life, we do find out who are true friends are. Sometimes too late.  More often than not, we find out who our friends aren’t.  Nearly every day, Facebook is full of posts lamenting wrong behavior or treatment.   Some may say people are simply self-centered, that they just don’t want to invest where there’s no immediate benefit.  That may be true, but I don’t think it’s strictly about “what’s in it for me.”  I think it’s about “you’re not the best deal.” Never mind value.  You might cost too much—too much time, too much energy, too much whatever.

It’s that cheap mentality—price anxiety.  There’s nothing you can buy—not a luxury trip, nor therapist, nor pill on the market that can cure it.  You know the song, “Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe?”  When you are indebted to no one but Jesus, values—not deals—abound everywhere, in every area of your life.  God gave us the gift of discernment—not price—to guide our decisions, including the friends that we choose.  After all, we are not “shopping” for friends.  Friends, like rabbits, are not just cute little fuzzy buddies in a cage. They are wild animals with claws that must be handled properly.  Choose carefully.  All sales final.

Posted in Christian Living, Culture, Friendship, Social Networking
19 Aug 2011

Dumb and Dumber

 

Random topics recently overheard as my kids watch t.v.:  An asteroid is enroute to Earth and it will destroy the planet unless the Wizards of Waverly Place can use their magic to avert it.  Someone’s babysitter is a vampire and somehow a bunch of teens turn into dolls.  Some cartoon characters get lost in a cave and one of them turns into a bat and terrorizes the rest of them.  And would you believe that the kids on A.N.T. Farm are also facing an impending asteroid? My husband and I have a saying:  “Well, I think we’re all a little bit dumber after watching that.”  Dumber, maybe—but worse off?  It’s the $10,000 question of the media generation:  Does t.v. have a harmful effect on kids?

My immediate response is no—and yes, I realize some of my friends will not approve.  I mean, my kids have watched hours upon hours of t.v., and they seem to be doing ok.  They do well in school.  They are pretty good kids.  But—I firmly believe t.v. does affect them.  I’m just not sure about the greater implications of it, the long term results.  I don’t know for sure that it’s bad for them.  Also, I don’t think t.v. stands alone.  There are plenty of books, movies, games, and peers to introduce kids to the “dark side.”  Have you ever heard of something called “The Exorcist Maze game?”  Most third graders have.  It’s basically an online game that pranks the user by inserting a pop-up of Exorcist girl’s face right in the middle of the game.  The responses of these poor unsuspecting gamers are so intense and (apparently) so hysterically funny, that entire YouTube videos have been devoted to featuring the shots, one after the other.  In one of them, a kid about five years old gets so upset he starts crying, which broke my heart.  Who would show this to a little kid?

(Sidebar:  The same people who would insert these kinds of things into any video on YouTube.  If your child likes to search for Nerf War videos and things like this, just be on the alert for this sort of thing – read the comment sections before you let your child watch).

Our kids are exposed to graphic, larger-than-life images, some of which would scare the flip flops off my generation and make those Wizard of Oz
monkeys look like Zhu Zhu pets.  Where do we draw the line between fun fantasy and just plain creepiness?  How worrisome are these shows?

A news story surfaced recently about a 19 year old Texas man who, claiming to be a 500 year old vampire, broke into a random woman’s home and attempted to bite her neck.  As expected, the media discussions turned to the vampire fad of recent years, particularly the Twilight series, and how it has effected today’s youth.  No concrete evidence was presented that proved this individual had ever read or been exposed to any specific piece of literature or film, and yet, the media made the connection for us by conveniently bringing up the subject immediately following the report of the crime.

In my opinion, a vampire movie is not going to create a would-be vampire, unless said vampire is already a little psycho.  When someone is messed up, he will find an outlet for that, some way to get his frustrations or troubles outside of himself—thus, we have serial killers, uni-bombers, and vampire wannabes.  Not to make light of serious crimes, but my point is this:  The world has a plentiful supply of wackos already.  I don’t think Twilight is going to create more of them.

Back in the day, I would jump off the bus after school, race down my driveway, and plant myself infront of the t.v. just in time to catch The Brady Bunch.  You remember those days—when the most pressing problems weren’t vampires or asteroids, but Marsha getting hit in the nose with a football and Jan wearing a big black wig because she wanted to upstage her sister at the party. When the tarantula got into the beach bag in Hawaii, a collective gasp was heard from grade school kids all across America.  Oh the drama!

I guess what bothers me more than anything about kids programming today is that most of it really is just plain dumb–and dumber.  We have teens landing on an asteroid in a toy spaceship, another gang that lives and goes to school on a cruise ship.  These shows do absolutely nothing to prepare kids for the real world.  At least the Bradys faced somewhat realistic problems.  I mean, I don’t know about you, but I knew exactly what to do if I ever lost my mom’s earrings in the drain.

 

Posted in Culture, Kids, Media, Movies, Parenting and tagged , , | Leave a Comment
20 Jul 2011

Distraction

Last weekend, our town held the annual “Take A Stand” rally, which uses lemonade stands to raise awareness about child abuse.  One of them caught my eye, as it displayed what appeared to be two adult-size skeletons on either side.  It was a bold statement:  Death is the most tragic result of abuse.  But for me, the intent of the skeleton display missed the mark.  Was it really a message about child abuse, or was it also a message—fueled by Casey Anthony’s recent acquittal and public outcry over the verdict—that suggested she belongs on death row, not walking out of the Orange County jail?  What appeared to be merely a strong statement was nearly as outrageous as the media circus that had surrounded the Anthony case from the beginning.  Such antics do little to serve truth or justice, but, rather, simply distract us from real issues and problems that deserve our serious consideration.

Admittedly, I was a little intrigued by the Anthony saga.  Like many Americans, I got sucked into the story. After the trial and acquittal, I gave in to curiosity and clicked on aFox News link to watch the footage of Anthony’s release from jail.  As she stalked stony-faced, cameras flashing, trailing an atypical entourage of lawyers and police officers, the only thing missing from the scene was a pair of sunglasses.  The Anthony case has been repeatedly compared to the OJ Simpson trial that became a national sensation in 1995, all the way up to the footage of an SUV carrying Anthony down a Florida freeway, following her release.  But this one has a twist.  OJ was famous before his infamous trial.  Casey Anthony, a woman completely unknown three years ago, has become a celebrity through all this—the kind throngs of people love to hate—starring in a reality show that has gripped the nation and the world.

Beyond the most obviously disturbing element of this case—the death of a little girl—what’s ultimately unsettling is the role that public opinion, driven by the media, has played.  The overwhelming sentiment is that Anthony is guilty, despite having been fully examined, analyzed, and judged by our judicial system.  These people who stand outside the jail, shouting condemnations are responding to a case to which they have no personal connection.  Are they simply caught up in the drama, upset it didn’t end the way they’d hoped?  Or is it something more?  Are they arrogant enough to believe they know something the rest of the people in that courtroom didn’t?  But then I remember.  Casey Anthony was guilty” from day one, from the very first day this story hit the media.  Of course people are going to be upset.  If a killer walks free, it’s a great injustice, a tragedy in itself.

My point is this:  This case has been nothing but a big distraction from beginning to end, and I for one am baffled as to why it has gotten so much
attention.  When Bill O’Reilly actually made a comment about Anthony being “a good looking woman,” suggesting that this factor had relevance to the attention the case had garnered, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  Is that what we’ve come to?  Really??!  REALLY? I know there are agencies and organizations that hand out awards to media outlets for outstanding journalism and the like, but please, if there is one that gives out Media Pinhead Trophies, can we just nominate Bill for that one, based on this one asinine statement?

Distraction.

Every day, children go missing, are abused or the victims of unimaginable crimes.  Most sources cite the number of children who go missing every year at around 800,000.  John Walsh, the host of America’s Most Wanted, is quoted as saying that number is closer to 1.5 million, with about 50,000 of those that go completely unsolved.  (http://www.operationawareness.com/about_5.html)

It’s mind-boggling and disheartening to think how much time and energy was devoted to the exploitation of this one case, when those resources, applied in the right ways and in the most needed places, could have helped find or save the life of another endangered or missing child. Educating and training kids to recognize and avoid a dangerous situation would be a good place to start—and these simple tools, incredibly, are not even discussed or taught in our public schools.

One could argue, I suppose, that the media attention to this case has raised a bit of awareness about child abuse and child endangerment. But this awareness has been fueled by anger and emotion, which isn’t positive, nor helpful, in most cases.  Unfortunately in this one, anger and emotion have created a media and a public that tries, convicts, and exploits.  A story surfaced, just today, that a church in Ohio actually conducted a service that included a mock Casey Anthony trial, which ended, ironically enough, with a hung jury.

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/18/casey-anthony-mock-retrial_n_901463.html)

Distraction:  I believe it is nothing more than a failure to acknowledge God’s sovereignty.

God, and only God, has the final say on all matters, including what ultimately happens to Casey Anthony.  Though we must have legal precedent and procedures in a civilized society, we ultimately have no right to say what she does or doesn’t deserve.  The twelve people who sat on that jury found her not guilty in the eyes of the law, not in the eyes of public opinion.  Yes, it’s possible they made a mistake, but creating a spectacle, protesting, and issuing death threats to the woman are not going to change the outcome—this is not a reality show; it’s simply Reality.  Distraction, as much as we may enjoy it, impedes God’s work from being put into action where it’s truly needed.  God help Casey Anthony, and God help us all.

Posted in Culture, Current Events, Media and tagged , , | Leave a Comment

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